{"id":1111,"date":"2019-03-01T20:26:10","date_gmt":"2019-03-01T20:26:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thecrushlab.com\/?p=1111"},"modified":"2020-06-01T13:54:10","modified_gmt":"2020-06-01T13:54:10","slug":"social-graces","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thecrushlab.com\/index.php\/2019\/03\/01\/social-graces\/","title":{"rendered":"Social Graces"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When I get to have a legit wine conversation with someone at a tasting, I have the opportunity to guide them into a deeper analysis of the wine I\u2019ve poured for them. I get see that light bulb go off in their head, it\u2019s like winning the showcase on The Price Is Right!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When I started brainstorming about the concept for The Crush Lab my main goal was, and still is, to breakdown wine for you in the most colorful way possible, how nice of me, right? But what you don\u2019t know, is that it\u2019s all a ploy. It\u2019s just step one in my master plan to take over the world and it goes a little something like this – the more you know\u00a0> the more wine you drink – the more wine you drink > the fresher your dance moves get…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your glorious and loaded dance moves will eventually get SO fresh that you become the next hottest back up dancer this world has ever seen, which, in turn, lands you a gig going on tour with Lady Gaga. You end up giving me a plug on national television, I become famous, and the next thing you know we are both hanging out with Cardi B. drinking Grand Cru Champagne at the Grammys after party. Listen, I can\u2019t do this without you so let me get you up to speed on some social graces<\/em> when it comes to tasting\/drinking wine. I can\u2019t have you saying dumb shit around me in front of Cardi B., Okurrrrrt?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I am about to lay down a little tough love, but don\u2019t worry, we can hug it out at the Grammys. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Question your Questions –<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve made it to the wine tasting. You pay your way in, turn the corner, and walk into a room full of booze! Woot woot! If that doesn\u2019t scream party, I don\u2019t know what does! There is table after table of wine from all over the world with eager wine professionals ready to party it up and share their wine with you, where should you get this party started? I\u2019ll tell you where you don\u2019t start – walking up tables and asking, \u201cDo you have anything here that is sweet?\u201d If you’re not looking for a Trockenbeerenauslese<\/em> you instantly lose street cred and your ability to schmooze anyone there for an extra pour of anything they have on their table 2 hours later. Total buzzkill. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not that we don\u2019t enjoy a little sip of something sweet (trust me, we love ourselves a nice sticky every now and then<\/em>) but that is the last thing we are thinking about when we are picking out an exciting line up to show at the event. You have told us in your first 8 words that you are a Basic Betty\/Bob and to be honest, nothing could be more discouraging. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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We are there to \u201ctake you places\u201d you\u2019ve never been before though the world of wine, but you can\u2019t slap us in the face first, it hurts. A better first question to ask is \u201cI usually drink sweet wine but am looking to expand my horizons, is there a special bottle on your table that you think I should taste before I get too frisky and start hitting on random people?\u201d I can\u2019t speak for everyone else but that would instantly create a connection with me. You\u2019re funny, charming, adventurous, and there to have a great time! I\u2019m in. Let’s drink some wine! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking someone \u201cIs anything here good?\u201d while looking down at their line up with a snooty face is also a little frustrating. My personal inner dialogue is saying, \u201cNo, I just brought the shittiest wine I could find because I felt like making my life miserable for the next however long you have decided to be an oxygen thief this evening\u201d, but what comes out is, \u201cWell, I happen to think all this wine is fantastic but I don\u2019t know what style you like to drink.\u201d So again, what might work better is, \u201cI usually drink big bold reds and if you have something like that here I would like to taste that first but I am also interested in learning about what else you brought for us today\u201d. Boom. Let\u2019s get drunk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, remember that we have gone through major preparation to be there with wine that we personally picked out and being a little gentle with our feelers will go a long way! By being open to trying what WE think is delicious, you may very well find your new favorite! You can pick up a bottle of Moscato for under 15$ any day of the week, don\u2019t cheat yourself in a room full of delicious wine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And for the record – my favorite wine is the one that\u2019s in my glass. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your Knowledge vs Our Knowledge –<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Before we move any further I should let you know that I reached out to other wine professionals from all over the world to get a glimpse into their life by asking them to share some of their wine tasting experiences. The gossip was epic. Overall, this was the most face palming <\/em>topic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen, we do this everyday, we spend our life learning regions, style profiles, the stories behind the wine, etc – so that we can share all of it with you! So when you tell us with your left hand up and your eyes closed that you don\u2019t drink Chardonnay but in the same sentence tell us your favorite wines are from Chablis, and you refuse to let another word come out of our mouth, you instantly become the most annoying person in the room. PS – The region of Chablis produces the most exquisite and purest Chardonnay in the world, so there\u2019s that Mr. I Know Everything.<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I get it, wine is a luxury item. It has been since the dawn of \u201ctime\u201d. In fact, around 1000 BC, wine was considered so special that is was only made for the ruling classes. Rod Phillips explains this concept in his book, A Short History Of Wine –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEven where wine was consumed at all social levels, as in Ancient Greece, social distinctions were marked by the quality of wine and the contexts in which it was consumed. Distinctions of both sorts have persisted into the present. The poor very likely drank inferior wine on a daily basis, often what was latter known in France as piquette, <\/em>a thin, low-alcohol and frequently bitter solution made by fermenting water added to the skins, stalks, and seeds that were left after the final pressing.\u201d <\/p>Phillips, Rod. A Short History of Wine<\/em>. Allen Lane, 2000.<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Bet you didn\u2019t know that Chablis Dude<\/em>) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It was just as much of a status thing <\/em>then as it is now, (I, too, like going to the jeweler to put rocks all in my watch) <\/em>so we get that you want to look all kinds of fancy with your wine facts, but you may learn a thing or two if you let us explain a thing or two. You\u2019ll go home cooler than you were when you walked in, I promise! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I get to have a legit wine conversation with someone at a tasting, I have the opportunity to guide them into a deeper analysis of the wine I\u2019ve poured for them. I get see that light bulb go off in their head, it\u2019s like winning the showcase on The Price Is Right! Confetti and everything. I truly look forward to seeing them again to ask them what wines they have fallen in love with since we last saw each other. Maybe they can teach me about a wine I have yet to try. True story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sniff Stories –<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Certified Sommelier exam is made up of three parts – service, theory, and blind tasting. You have to pass all three parts in order to earn the title. If you fail one part and exceed in the other two you have to retake the whole thing. The tasting portion of the exam is no joke, this is where most people tend to fail by second guessing themselves, and to be honest, you don\u2019t have time for that shit during the exam so you better come in ready to rock. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have two reds and two whites in front of you. You have between 4-5 minutes per wine to write down what the grape is, where it is from, roughly what vintage the wine is, and write a small sentence describing what dish would pair well with it. As if that isn\u2019t enough you have a LOAD of steps in between. You have to describe the aroma, body, texture, acidity, tannins, fruits, non fruits, mouth feel, ripeness levels – so on and so on in order to prove your case. It\u2019s intense. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My point is, is that when you are at a wine tasting you are not taking this exam – don\u2019t worry about being right when you tell us what you\u2019re smelling or tasting, in fact it\u2019s one of my favorite things to hear you shout out! Real talk, I don\u2019t even care if I am in mid sentence talking to someone else and you yell \u201cPing Pong Balls and Sassafras!\u201d I will give you a high five. Be confident and preach!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The <\/strong>Spittoon<\/span> – <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Moments before you arrive to a tasting we are all opening our bottles, pouring ourselves a taste of each one, swooshing it around, and spitting it back out. We are checking to see if the bottle has been corked, if there are any flaws in the wine, and examining the overall structure. I use either the spit bucket on the table or a spare glass that I can put to the side. Be careful what you grab off a table. Case in point from a professional peer –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cI was conducting a wine tasting and as I opened the bottles, I tasted to check for imperfections and put the glass to the side to use throughout the 2 hour tasting. There was one particular gentleman that was giving me a hard time because he didn\u2019t like any of the wines he had tried. He turned for a second to talk to his friend and his hand shifted from his glass to the one I had been spitting in, he picked it up thinking I had poured him something new to taste. He then sighed and said \u2018Wow! Now there is a wine I can drink again!\u2019\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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EW, right? Let’s do our best not to be THAT guy.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is perfectly normal for you to spit out a wine after tasting it (just please hold onto your jewelry and glasses while doing so, I will NOT<\/em> reach in to the spit bucket to get whatever it is you dropped in there – ugh…<\/em>you know I will, you’re just gonna have to give me a second to find some chopsticks and a moment to myself to namaste<\/i> my gag reflexes out). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is also acceptable to pour out the rest of the wine after you have tasted it into the spit bucket. You\u2019ve got a lot of wine to taste through and in theory, once you get your lean on, it all starts to taste the same. If you walk away to another table and all you can think about was a wine you tasted at the last table you were at then sure, go back, ask for a little more, and indulge! Find that new favorite!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I leave you with some advice passed on through my peers, write it down if you need to, we MUST to get to the Grammys – <\/p>\n\n\n\n